When you can’t do it anymore, hand it to Him.

When you can’t do it anymore, hand it to Him.

I have always been a very extreme person, which can be incredibly exhausting both mentally and physically. Due to this tendency, i tend to take on way more than i can personally handle at any given point. This may be because I’m surrounded by such extraordinary people, who are truly superheroes. I, on the other hand, try. I may not accomplish much very often but nobody can ever tell me i don’t try. Anyway…… got off track. I keep a lot on my plate at all times but also struggle severely with mental health issues.

Lately, I have been extremely overwhelmed in every way. I have been tired, discouraged, defeated but still pushing through. Things changed rather quickly… I was in a car accident that totaled my brand new 3 month old leased dream car. I realize it seems stupid and irrelevant but this was my last straw. I broke. I can’t get in the driver seat of a car & can’t ride looking out the windows without triggering a panic attack. Although everyone was okay and I wasn’t seriously physically hurt, it triggered some pre-existing PSTD. It was my breaking point and I couldn’t handle it on my own. I can’t handle the stress, the responsibility, the expectations, any of it. I wanted to quit, all of it. I just wanted to never leave my bed & never talk to anyone.

Normally I’m not at all religious, like at all, but I now understand. When you can’t handle your own life anymore, you have to hand it to someone. So this is me handing over my control, handing over my stress, responsibilities and expectations. I need help. I have decided that all of this has been Him telling me to slow my ass down and take a breath. To enjoy right now and stop trying to be prepared. I will never be prepared, life happens how it wants. So thats how I’ve decided to handle this. This frustration has been Him trying to get me to slow down, and its taken a lot… I’m kinda stubborn 🙂 So I’m not sure how long this positive outlook will last for this pessimist but no, I’m not okay. And that’s okay because He’s got it. I will be okay because I always am. He picked a tough one 😉